Depression and my thoughts on the matter…

TheWriter Uncategorized

Alright, let’s start this whole party off with a post about depression. I know that this may not be the best way to start a blog, nor is it even a good way to start a blog, but I have some things to say, and I feel the need to start my blog with something that I have a lot to say on.

When someone is depressed, it doesn’t mean they are sad, it doesn’t mean that they just feel blue, or they are having a bad day. It’s less of feeling upset, and more of feeling hopeless in a long term sense. It’s not being mad at the world, it is feeling like there’s no place within the world for that person to fit in to. It’s easy to look at someone that is depressed and tell them to cheer up or that it’ll get better. It’s not easy to look at that person and see that there’s more to it than being sad or upset for a little while. One definition of Depression is the feeling of intense sadness, helplessness, hopelessness and worthlessness that lasts for an extensive period of time.1 It can be a sense that everything is pointless and that nothing you do will make a change in anyone’s life, so why do it? In looking at the list of depression symptoms1 I could easily say that I am depressed. When I wake up in the morning, part of me is upset that time didn’t come to a screeching halt in my sleep. More recently, I’ve been feeling tired at awkward times, especially at night. I look at my daily routine and I wonder if it’s even worth it. I’ve regularly had trouble sleeping through the night, and I wake up more than 4 times every night. With the exception of writing, video games, and music production, I’ve lost interest in the activities I once loved (drawing, gardening, painting, sculpting, computer stuff, etc.) I constantly feel like I want to do something, but in the end I put up a mental blockade and lay on the couch instead. My weekends off are filled with uneventful nothingness. I’ve written lists, made promises to myself, and told people that I was going to devote my time to things, and, in the end, I wind up waking at 8:-00AM and then lay around doing nothing until 10:00, sleep from then until 1:00PM, and then I lay around waiting for my fiancé to get home so I have someone to talk to. All of these are symptoms of depression. Every single one of them. So am I depressed? Probably. Should I accept it and try to find help? Probably. Have I done so? No…Because I don’t know where to start.

That last sentence is incredibly important to this post. I don’t know where to start. I feel miserable, and I want to climb out of the hole that I’ve dug, but I can’t find the footholds. I want to be happy. I want to smile and be doing so for reasons other than to mask the agony that I feel on a daily basis. I want to be interested in the things that I once looked at as hobbies, and I want to grow my interest in the things that I’m capable of enjoying, even through this painful time.

Now that I’ve taken the time to write 560+ words as a kind of introduction, and put the thought of depression into your head, and taken the time to establish what I want to say, I’m going to move on to why I’m writing this. I want to make a difference. I want to help. Most importantly, I want to be better. The best thing I can think to do to help is make a list or two. That’ being said…Here’s a list of “Do’s and Don’ts” if you think you have depression, or you are sure you are depressed. I know that if I went to a website and read a list of “Do’s and Don’ts” for depressed people, I would think that the writer was a pompous ass, and would dislike them for the remainder of my existence. If you want to do that, fine. Just know that I just want to help anyone that needs it, as much as I want to help myself…

DON’TS

  • Don’t lay in bed all day and wish it would end. This doesn’t help. I won’t say that doing this once or twice is the wrong thing to do; sometimes you just need to let it all out and spending a Saturday in bed can be what’s necessary. I’m saying that spending all day, every day sobbing in bed isn’t going to fix the problems.
  • Don’t ignore those that want to help you. If someone that truly cares for you is reaching out and wants to help you, let them. Make sure that they are in a position that they can listen and handle what you’re about to tell them, and build yourself up to a point where you can confide in that person.
  • Don’t tell everyone “I’m fine”. Read through the poem in Reference2; it is beautiful. It’s an original poem on Reddit titled “I’m Fine”. The intro says it all… “I’m fine. I’ve said it and will continue til the day I die. A phrase said for years but usually meaning a lie. What is fine? A settlement for how could something be? Or a false testimony for the way that I’m feeling”2 It’s a painful poem, but it tells it like it is.
  • Don’t bottle it up. Bottling up how you feel is the worst thing that you can do. Find someone to listen to how you feel, and tell them, even if that “person” is a page in a spiral notebook. Find the time to tell someone how you feel. Expression is necessary if you want to get better. Don’t be the person that bottles it up and then lets it flow over until you can take no more3.
  • Don’t put a barrier between you and those that care. If you block out the people in your life that want to help you, or if you make it a point to shut them out, they can’t help. It’s important to have support when you’re falling down.
  • Don’t pretend you aren’t depressed, and Don’t listen to those that tell you that you aren’t. I’m not saying that you should mope around and tell everyone that you meet that you are miserable and that life is hopeless. What I do mean; accept that you have these feelings, and make an effort to fix them. Pretending that it’s just a phase and that you’re just not feeling well today will work in the short term, but it will fail in the long term. You will look at how you feel, and question why it’s still going on.
  • Don’t throw away everything you enjoy. If you have something that you enjoy doing, try to keep it close. If you find that you have lost interest in it, this is normal. Keep it close, remember why you liked it, and keep trying. If you just aren’t feeling it, try again when you think it may be better. Persistence is key.
  • Don’t give up. Never, ever, ever, ever, ever, EVER fold your hand. If you give up, if you fold, then you have no way of ever getting to that light. There will be times when you think the tunnel is eternal, but it’s not. It will come to an end, and you will be yourself again. If you can’t promise that to yourself, let me promise you. As one person suffering to another, I promise you that you WILL get better. I promise you that you WILL make it through this.

DO’S

  • Do get up. Do get out of bed in the morning and embrace that it’s another day. If you can see how fortunate you are to wake up breathing every day, then you are well on your way to getting through this.
  • Do listen to those that want to help. If someone is there for you and they are doing everything they can to help you; give them a shot. If they are wanting to see you through this because they care, then they are at least worth the time that it takes to listen to what they have to say.
  • Do find a way to express yourself. If you can express how you’re feeling to someone, then you can get help. If you can’t find the words, draw them a picture. If you can’t draw a picture, act it out. If you can’t act it out, invite them to come along with you to any place that has a punching bag, beat the ever-loving crap out of it, and shout your feelings at it. Find something to express your thoughts and feelings. Nobody can help you if they don’t know how you feel.
  • Do find an outlet of some sort. You know that punching bag I mentioned above? Use it. Pretend it’s your depression, pretend it’s something you dislike, hell, pretend it’ someone you dislike and just hit it. If you don’t have access to something capable of taking a few punches, find something else. I suggest writing thoughts in a journal.
  • Do find something positive to add to your life. I have a journal littered with things that make me happy, and some things that make me a little sad, but they helped. I typically get all of my positive thoughts from the “productivity” sub of the website lifehack.org4. Check out the link in the references. I like to write their posts in my notebook, and often times write the quotes with my thoughts.
  • Do accept that you are depressed. Accepting that you have a problem is the first step to finding a solution. You need to accept that you have an issue that you will need help with. “Admitting and accepting that there are some things you need outside help with, is the first step to getting better.”5
  • Do something you like to do. If you have something that you absolutely love, keep doing it. If you don’t know what you love, experiment. Experimenting with what made me happy is how I found out that I love writing. I‘ve never been able to express myself through spoken words, so I took up writing. Now I’m writing this blog, and a novel, and some random thoughts….it helps.
  • Do promise yourself that you’ll get better. Even if you don’t believe it, promise yourself that you will get through this and that you will be ok. Promise yourself that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and that, with the right help and the right amount of work, you will get there.

I know it’s hard to do these things that I’ve listed, but the important thing is trying. If you can’t bring yourself to do one thing or another, try something else. It comes down to this; depression is a major problem. It’s one that a number of people are faced with regularly, and it’s one that a lot of people succumb to in the end. Don’t give up, never surrender, and most of all, never put the people you love through the pain that comes with putting an end to it all. If you are having a hard time dealing with how you feel, seek help. Ask those you love for help.

It’ll get better. I promise….

-Lucas C.

Reference

  1. http://www.webmd.com/depression/guide/what-is-depression
  2. http://www.reddit.com/r/depression/comments/2gdgzz/im_fine_an_original_poem/
  3. http://metro.co.uk/2012/11/21/suicide-teenager-bottled-up-feelings-for-three-years-538136/
  4. http://www.lifehack.org/lifestyle
  5. http://www.ignitepoint.com/?anxiety_and_depression&articleid=600412

 

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