It feels like forever since you and I last spoke. It looks like I last posted in September…now how have I managed to be away from my lovely Lights in the Sky for sooooo long?
Anyways, let’s talk.
I’m feeling better. Since we last spoke I’ve had 2 mental breaks. 2 in almost 5 months. That’s good for me! One of them was just me being…well…me. I have zero-tolerance for stupidity, and unfortunately I was met with what I thought to be stupidity. It lashed out, I exploded, then I left the scene for a bit. It was what had to happen. I had to walk away from the stress, no matter how much I didn’t want to. Driving in the snow is a fantastic way to gather your thoughts, even if it’s just a few blocks and back. The other time…ooooh the other time. It wasn’t my fault; the stresses of life gathered themselves upon me and decided that I needed to be kicked repeatedly. I think I’ll be OK though. I hope I’ll be OK. If not…well that’s a bridge I’ll have to cross later.
I have been trying to work on a few things as of late. First and foremost, I want to stop myself from holding on to things. I want to be able to let go of things as I need. These can be physical, emotional, or any combination of the two. I tend to keep my grip on things that I love, and on things that affect me. My physical connections typically manifest themselves in a messy house. My emotional ones manifest in dreams, and oh how I hate these dreams. I had one last night that I don’t want to really talk about, but it was… well… it just was. It hurt. I woke up from it and found myself dwelling on it all morning. It involved my past, and I hate my past. The person I was prior to being the person I am now is someone that I wish I never was. Regardless, I dismissed it after a while, but it keeps flashing into my mind randomly and bumming me out. I wish my memory worked in a manner that would allow me to just delete it, but alas, I can’t.
The next thing I’ve been working on is my habit of worrying about the future. Being in my early/mid twenties I’ve found that I worry about what’s going to happen in the future. Be it debt, death, or anything lined in a thick layer of uncertainty, I tend to let the preparation of said events take over my life. There was a point in my life where I consistently told myself that “Right now is all that matters”. As I’ve slipped into my twenties I’ve found that I no longer can live by that philosophy.
Regardless… I’m going to go home now. I’m going to spend my night, not dwelling, and not worrying about the future…
Until Next Time!
TheWriter
Lights In The Sky 